ONCE I'd gotten over being patronised by SFA high heidyin David Taylor ("They'll get a simply super weekend break in Paris or Rome" - I'm sure that's what he said) I tried to look on the bright side of the Euro 2008 draw.
Like just about everyone else, I was on the point of finding solace in the laboured observation dredged up whenever we play anyone halfway decent - "Ah, but we always do well against the big teams."
But, in a word, shite. It's an untruism that been trotted out so many times people have been hypnotised into believing it. So let's go through the fairly undemanding motions of ripping this particular argument to shreds.
Here's a list the 10 best-performing European teams of the last 20 years or so that won't be open to too much dispute: France, Germany, Italy, Holland, Portugal, Czech Republic/Czechoslovakia, England, Spain, Sweden, Denmark.
When did we actually beat a team like that - or even some of those bubbling below - in a competitive match that counted? The Holland game in 2003 and the win at Wembley in 1999 don't count; we lost in two-legged ties both times, so start delving further back.
The Alamo recreation against Sweden at Hampden in 1996? 2-1 against the Swedes at Italia '90? Fair enough. So let's rule out our solid but unspectacular Scandinavian friends. What does that leave? Can anyone do better than Mo Johnston's poacher's masterclass, back in the days when it was still safe for him to walk down Sauchiehall Street, against France in March 1989?
We do well against the big teams? We keep the score down, more like.
In all that coverage of the Euro 2008 the thing that pissed me off most was the idea that somehow we should all be delighted that such footballing aristocracy as Henry, Totti and Shevchenko should find it in themselves to condescend to come and play in our crappy country. This, to me, is pure cheese-on-toast bullshit.
For me, the fact that a goal was scored from an overhead kick by Thierry Henry after performing 13 backflips around the pitch does not detract from the fact that the goal was scored against scotland. I will be pissed off by it, however good it is. It will not give me the least bit of pleasure. I will try to wipe it from my memory.
It's a bit like me saying, as an aberdeen fan, that i'm happy when some other team in the SPL signs a good player who is likely to score to perform well against my team. if you think like that you might be a fan of football but you're not really a fan of a particular team. I really couldn't care if all scotland's qualifying games were the most boring football matches i've ever seen if they amass enough points to get to the finals. It wouldn't matter at all.